drawing by Benita McCall (God has built a fortress of his love and protection around us to ward off attacks)
I was on the brink of throwing in the towel.
If it was not for the battle cries of "But God", "Yes Lord" and "Thank You Jesus", I wouldn't be able to give voice to you today!
Last year around this time I was sinking into what would be a very serious attack of satan and his demonic spirits ripping me into shreds. Over the course of March 2016 through May 2017, there were several deaths in the family, I was loosing my hair, my job would no longer provide me with full time hours and benefits, the work was overwhelming and no matter what I did it was never enough. Through it all I still did morning devotionals as best as I could and I prayed as best as I could. How many of you have been there or are going through it at this moment?
In reading some of my excerpts from my journal I attempted to keep during that time, I recognized that knowing what to say, when to say it and how to say it was in no way effective when dealing with people who were not open to seeing things differently. I felt defeated at times when all I wanted to do was to be able to express myself freely. It felt like I was being abused again, but this time it wasn't my spouse. Being chastised and not opened to other ideas was just pulling me down. Knowing that economically I need employment to meet my financial obligations. I felt so isolated. I became so tired in overthinking and trying to anticipate what would be the next impossible task piled upon me. Was this an attack to bring be down and make me feel incapable of performing everyday life functions. I was losing weight, having no appetite and then it happened. I had a breakdown. I never in all of my life thought I would succumb to this point of near death. I no longer had a will or desire, I cried all the time, I felt worthless, no where to turn. One of the devotions I read during this time read as such, "Expect to encounter adversity in your life remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world". I did not need to hear this now! Not at this time! I need someone, I need YOU GOD, where are YOU!
It seemed that every day, God was speaking to me through devotions and His Holy Word, but I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually went to a therapist and I also went to my doctor. I was put on medical leave for 6 weeks. I laid in bed for one week, just drinking tea and eating crackers. Even the crackers were making me sick. It felt good to talk things out with the therapist, but even better to read God's word and listen to Joyce Meyer and my Pastors from Freedom House Church live streaming on Sundays. My Freedom House Life Group sisters prayed for me and checked on me regularly, My cousin Laurie and her husband were there for me whenever I needed anything. My daughter took off and came to tend to me and take me to the beach before I had to return to work and called me several times during the days to come. I was getting stronger and the book that my Life Group was reading was called "Freedom from the Past". This was all part of my healing process of allowing God to fight my battles in the spiritual realm and placing angels here on earth to help me navigate life as God predestined for me.
I could write a book of everything that has transpired since last year until this point in my life. I have a new job that uses the talents God has given me to serve others. I am unconditionally loved by God, I am more than a conqueror and as long as I stand still and let God, I will survive. I thank God for another day of His grace and mercy. There are times when I am distracted, feeling a little anxious and that's when the battle cries I shout out again are "BUT GOD, YES GOD and THANK YOU JESUS. The one thing satan hates is when I call on Jesus. Psalm 56:3-4 says "even when I am afraid, I keep trusting You. I praise your promises! I trust You and am not afraid. No one can harm me".
Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
If it was not for the battle cries of "But God", "Yes Lord" and "Thank You Jesus", I wouldn't be able to give voice to you today!
Last year around this time I was sinking into what would be a very serious attack of satan and his demonic spirits ripping me into shreds. Over the course of March 2016 through May 2017, there were several deaths in the family, I was loosing my hair, my job would no longer provide me with full time hours and benefits, the work was overwhelming and no matter what I did it was never enough. Through it all I still did morning devotionals as best as I could and I prayed as best as I could. How many of you have been there or are going through it at this moment?
In reading some of my excerpts from my journal I attempted to keep during that time, I recognized that knowing what to say, when to say it and how to say it was in no way effective when dealing with people who were not open to seeing things differently. I felt defeated at times when all I wanted to do was to be able to express myself freely. It felt like I was being abused again, but this time it wasn't my spouse. Being chastised and not opened to other ideas was just pulling me down. Knowing that economically I need employment to meet my financial obligations. I felt so isolated. I became so tired in overthinking and trying to anticipate what would be the next impossible task piled upon me. Was this an attack to bring be down and make me feel incapable of performing everyday life functions. I was losing weight, having no appetite and then it happened. I had a breakdown. I never in all of my life thought I would succumb to this point of near death. I no longer had a will or desire, I cried all the time, I felt worthless, no where to turn. One of the devotions I read during this time read as such, "Expect to encounter adversity in your life remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world". I did not need to hear this now! Not at this time! I need someone, I need YOU GOD, where are YOU!
It seemed that every day, God was speaking to me through devotions and His Holy Word, but I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually went to a therapist and I also went to my doctor. I was put on medical leave for 6 weeks. I laid in bed for one week, just drinking tea and eating crackers. Even the crackers were making me sick. It felt good to talk things out with the therapist, but even better to read God's word and listen to Joyce Meyer and my Pastors from Freedom House Church live streaming on Sundays. My Freedom House Life Group sisters prayed for me and checked on me regularly, My cousin Laurie and her husband were there for me whenever I needed anything. My daughter took off and came to tend to me and take me to the beach before I had to return to work and called me several times during the days to come. I was getting stronger and the book that my Life Group was reading was called "Freedom from the Past". This was all part of my healing process of allowing God to fight my battles in the spiritual realm and placing angels here on earth to help me navigate life as God predestined for me.
I could write a book of everything that has transpired since last year until this point in my life. I have a new job that uses the talents God has given me to serve others. I am unconditionally loved by God, I am more than a conqueror and as long as I stand still and let God, I will survive. I thank God for another day of His grace and mercy. There are times when I am distracted, feeling a little anxious and that's when the battle cries I shout out again are "BUT GOD, YES GOD and THANK YOU JESUS. The one thing satan hates is when I call on Jesus. Psalm 56:3-4 says "even when I am afraid, I keep trusting You. I praise your promises! I trust You and am not afraid. No one can harm me".
Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
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