There is so much going on in our personal lives let alone throughout the world.  
How many times have you felt so depleted - so empty – just void of everything.  Almost like an out of body experience and then you just CRY, you just SOB, you just WAIL.
 
When we were toddlers, children, teenagers we never dreamed of being EMPTY. It was all about being loved. Our family love, our friend love, our intimate love.  Did you know that there are different types of love?  The Greek identified 8.  The 4 that we are familiar with are:
 
Philia (Friends) 
Storge (Parent-Child)
Eros (Sexual)
Agape (Unconditional)
 
I am going to write about 3 types of love: Philia, Storge and Agape
 
I know in my early years of being a teenager I always had to have a best friend.  This is an example of Philia Love. Someone I could share my youthful adventures with.  What guy/dude I thought was cute, the latest dance moves, our favorite songs – you get the drift.  How hurtful is it when that supposing friend betrays your innermost thoughts?  Becomes a part of the group of teens that exclude you from everything and you become their target of ridicule.  Some of you will cry, will feel all alone, will have insecurities.  Others may become hateful and/or obsessive (which is another form of love called MANIA) among other characteristics.  Some relationships of this type survive time and they become your sisterhood, your tribe, your village. 
 
Another example of Philia Love is found in the book of John.
Do you know that Jesus wept? In John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible says,” Jesus wept”.  Lazarus the brother of Mary and Martha had taken ill.  At the time Jesus was in Galilee about a day’s journey to Bethany where Lazarus was.  Jesus did not leave to see about Lazarus until 3 days later.  By the time Jesus arrived Lazarus had died.  Martha had said to Jesus if he had come earlier Lazarus would have been alive.  Jesus wept because he was filled with compassion, Jesus wept because he was human, Jesus wept because he loved him, Jesus wept because of everything.  Jesus knew that Lazarus would arise again, yet he was so moved because of their sorrow, their grief and loss that he wept.  Jesus saw them as his friends.  Jesus exhibited all of the human emotions of a friend.  This is where our tribe, our village is in full force.  We are there because of our love, we hurt when you hurt, we love when you love, we are that circle.
 
When I think of Storage love (a parent-child love).  It is similar to the Philia love but a much stronger bond more of a kinship.  I think of Abraham’s 2 sons – Isaac and Ishmael.  Isaac was the son God promised Abraham and Sarah in their old age and Ishmael was the son that Abraham had with the servant Hagar when he did not totally believe God’s Word that he was to father a child with Sarah who was beyond childbearing years.  In Genesis 21, the two sons of Abraham show the first signs of conflict.  Although they were half- brothers, Sarah was upset because Ishmael who was 12-13 years older mocked Isaac.  Sarah convinced Abraham to banish Hagar and Ishmael.  Even though Abraham was distressed, he still sent them away.  In Genesis 21:16, it says Then she went off and sat down about a bowshot away, for she thought, “I cannot watch the boy die.” And she sat there, she began to sob.  How often do we just break down and feel hopeless and just cannot do anything, we’re just tired. Further on in verse 17, God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.  Reading this verse, I know that God is always with us and always hears us whether we talk out loud or we are just thinking in our spirit and soul.  In verse 18, God answers both Hagar and Ishmael and says” Lift up the boy and take him by the hand for I will make him into a great nation”. 
 
Abraham, Sarah and Hagar loved their children.  The love between a parent and child is sometimes questioned by others depending on their perception.  One thing I have learned is to never question the parent-child relationship.  Often times they are doing the best they can do given the circumstances.  One thing for sure is that God knows, and God makes sure that His Purpose for His creation is fulfilled.  You see Ishmael’s descendants are defined in Genesis 17:20, “And as for Ishmael, I have heard you: I will surely bless him; I will make him fruitful and will greatly increase his numbers. He will be the father of twelve rulers, and I will make him into a great nation”.  God answered Abraham’s prayer that Ishmael would be blessed, but through Isaac God would keep His covenant.  In Genesis 17:19 it says, “Then God said, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac, I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him. Abraham did the best he could based upon the choice he made. His heart was in the right place but his trust in fathering a child with Sarah was skeptical.  Even so, God still answered his prayer regarding Ishmael.
 
The Love that Jesus has for us is AGAPE LOVE.  This is the highest form of love.  It is unconditional.  What does that mean.  It is GOD – it is one of God’s attributes, it is selfless, sacrificial, a love for all.  We might have heard the verse from John 3:16 somewhere in our life travels.  It says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”.  God gave Jesus as the sacrificial lamb for all of our sins.  That is AGAPE LOVE.  This is the good news!!!
 
I say all this to you because through it all, through our emptiness, our sorrow, our tears, our grief of loss, GOD LOVES US!!! All of our choices good or bad.  He is always with us; He know us, and He knows what path we will walk down.  I love the scripture Psalm 30:5b that says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning”.  God is so awesome because he created the tears.  The tears are a way of cleansing and ridding our body of toxins.  One of the old gospel songs that I remember Shirley Caesar singing was called “Give Me a Clean Heart”.  I remember part of it saying, “I want to walk much better; I want to live much better”. So yes, it is good to Cry, Sob, Wail because we know that tomorrow is a new day and new beginnings. Cry, Sob, Wail because we know it’s a cleansing.  And do you know the best part - God is in the midst of it all.  We are never alone, and we are one step closer to our Purpose.   So, rejoice, shout because the best is yet to come!  Amen

© 2020 Debra Wideman 

​As I read the devotional this morning “Focus on Your Purpose, not the Problem” by Rick Warren, I realized that I was not living my purpose fully.  I recognize that we may have many paths that are filled with steps that I like to refer to as “Purpose Steps”.
 
My Purpose began before I was born.  Falling in Love with Jesus by Kirk Whalum tells part of my story.  There are so many songs that touch my soul as I reflect on my journey with God.  But this song really speaks of the relationship I have with God.  I am falling in love with Him more and more every day.

Me – God’s creation is unique and there is only one ME (Psalm 139:13-14)
As we set aside this month as Domestic Violence Awareness, I can only be a strong advocate because I was a victim.  I am no longer held by the chains of the violence that was inflicted upon me and in reality I never was because Jesus had set me free a long time ago.  It was the choices that I made which had me shackled. You see, God was always with me even when those wrong choices were made.  

I recall reading Psalm 34 when I was in the abusive relationship.  One verse stuck out verse 20 “He protects all his bones, not one will be broken.”  Although, I was beaten, verbally abused, financially strapped, isolated and so much more, God never left me.  Years later I found out that my daughter was molested by this person.  Together we survived.  Last year I was interviewed on Yep, Yeah, Yes for Domestic Violence Awareness month.  Here is the link that is worthy to listen to.   It gives some insight to the abuse that I went through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7TV5Xgn5NA&feature=youtu.be
​
My Purpose – yes -  it is to LOVE GOD and to love God is to love, protect and serve others.  Will you reach out and begin by supporting your local Domestic Violence agency.  One small step is a GIANT step to serving the Lord with all of your heart, soul, strength and mind (Luke 10:27).

The English dictionary gives the following definition of Bittersweet, "a mixture of sadness and happiness".  

​That is exactly what this day, November 17th, represents to me.  It has been 10 years since my mother died.  It was unexpected and she was in North Carolina visiting me since I would not be able to make Thanksgiving that year in New York.  It all seems like it just happened yesterday.  

The sadness being - that I miss her presence here on earth.  The comfort -  knowing that she loved me unconditionally and I cannot go to her, talk to her, feel her anymore physically.  The happiness is that I have wonderful memories, instilled values, great photographs and even bits and pieces of her personality in my siblings, my daughter and my nieces.

 As I reflect upon this, I remember that there is someone who is always there for me.  Loves me unconditionally, brings peace in my daily walk in this fallen world.  Who reminds me that He dwells within me and all I need to do is stop and recognize the sweetness that is about and around me.  That He reached out to me through my mother who was with me for the allotted time God granted her on earth.  You see this world can be filled with bitterness if we allow it to occupy our everyday living.  But have you ever stopped to look around and see all the beauty that was created in such bold, vivid and living color!  Have you ever stopped to think how everything seems to work together to create harmony.  There are so many moving parts and pieces (some good and some bad), however ultimately the bad is weeded out and the good stands strong.  It may not be so obvious during our lifetime, but I trust and believe Romans 8:28 NKJV "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose".  

I see now how my mom being here on earth for 73 years left so many smiling and loving.  She never spoke ill of anyone and the legacy she left so many was her smile.  I'm smiling today because it's a bittersweet day, but through the sadness I can truly rejoice and be happy because of the memories and values my mom has left behind. 

Be thankful!
Debra

​This is a great quote from Angela Davis that I have chosen as a reminder to move on!  As we recognize October as Domestic Violence Awareness month, it is only fitting to remember that you can not go back to the past and change what occurred.  The important thing is to remember and learn from what was unacceptable and what can be done to prevent those unacceptable things in the future.  Thursday I was honored to be a guest on YEPYEAHYES podcast to talk about my journey, struggle, healing and releasing the chains of abuse in my life.  

At first I thought it would be very difficult to talk about it authentically with my daughter and her friend being the moderators of the show, however it was therapeutic.  There were so many things that came out in the dialogue that were forgotten.  I learned new things about my daughter being sexually abused.  Details that I was not aware of.  She also was hearing for the first time some of the things I endured.  

The whole podcast lasted approximately 1 hour and is well worth listening to.  I don't say this just because it is my story, I say this because it is so many of our stories.  So many stories to be told.  So many things to ponder on why our laws still treat domestic violence as a stigma and not as a crime.  Yes, the "Me Too Movement" is bringing to light how women are victimized, how many are finding their voice.  The truth of the matter however is "Things need to be changed that are not acceptable".  Please (if nothing else) vote on the local level for candidates who are empathetic and serious about making much needed changes, amendments to the law when it comes to protecting our women and men against sexual assault, physical assault, domestic violence!  There are so many antiquated laws that are still in effect based upon (yes I am going there) the patriachical landscape of our country over 200 years ago!  Patriarchy is a social system in which males hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage. Wikipedia

​Let's make a concerted effort to eradicate domestic violence from our society and let our country to be the leader in ensuring that the laws of this land are inclusive of ALL, not just the privileged, not just a certain ethnicity, not just a certain religion, not just a certain gender, not just a certain age - ALL!!!

Here is the link to the podcast, feel free to share, comment and have a conversation with others.  This November get out there and VOTE!

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: 
http://youtu.be/v7TV5Xgn5NA?a


Love and Peace!
Debra

Sunday May 13, 2018
Good Morning God!  Today is Mother's Day and I am so thankful that I am blessed to have a wonderful daughter.  She is the best!!!  Even though she lives in New York and I'm here in North Carolina, she never fails to call me on a regular basis.  Even when we don't have anything to say, we always end our calls with "I Love You".  This is so precious to me to hear those words from her as I'm sure you Lord would want to hear the same from me.  Without your unconditional love Lord, where would I be!  You Lord created me and gave me breathe,  You Lord shaped me and made me in Your image.  You Lord selected the perfect mother for me on earth just as You selected Mary to be the mother of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.   I thank You Lord and give all the praise, honor and glory to You.  You Lord are my mother, father, helper, healer, King of Kings, the One and Only, the Creator, the Peacemaker, the Joy, the Everlasting and so much more.  Thank you Jesus and Happy Mother's Day because without You there would be no me! 

                         As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. – Isaiah 66:13

 Ok - it's been a while since I posted, but how many of us realize that life seems to just keep on going whether we are in the moment or not!  The last time I posted a blog was June 2017 just shy of 1 year ago.  Well alot has happened.  Yes, I have a new "do", but I am still the same person with some of the same struggles.  The one thing I can say for sure is that I am growing and learning through the reading of God's Word and surrounding my life with positive people who God has placed in my life.  I want to share with you something I wrote in my journal December 7, 2017.

Good Morning Lord.  Today's devotional is "I am with you in all you do, even in the most menial tasks" The scriptural references are Matthew 10:29-31; Hebrews 11:27 and 2Corinthians 4:18.

FAITH - the word "faith" leaped out to me as I read today's scripture Hebrews 11:27.  Moses saw God and wasn't afraid of the king's anger.  But, Moses left Egypt even though he did not see the invisible God until he left.  Moses faith led him out of Egypt.  How much faith do I really have!  Do I have convenient faith or do I have unwavering faith?  I pray openly, silently or within my spirit everyday. When I pray do I believe?  Do I trust?  Or am I simply doing what I think is right?  Praying encompasses all - believing, trusting and doing what is right!  The devil tries to trip me up but God keeps me on the path destined for me.

I share this with you today because I am still praying for a closer relationship with God that encompasses believing , trusting and doing right.  This is an ongoing process in our path to fulfill our purpose according to God's will.  I have been reading 1st and 2nd Samuel and how God was with King David in all of his life through the ups and downs.  We are not perfect but when we look to Jesus, He is with us all of the time through our hiccups and through our triumps.  Through our weaknesses and through our strengths.  God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit never leaves us.  He is always right there.  Thank you Lord, for your unconditional love and your gentle,  yet sometimes in your face discipline as only a loving Father can give. 

​

I was on the brink of throwing in the towel.
If it was not for the battle cries of "But God", "Yes Lord" and "Thank You Jesus", I wouldn't be able to give voice to you today!

Last year around this time I was sinking into what would be a very serious attack of satan and his demonic spirits ripping me into shreds.  Over the course of March 2016 through May 2017, there were several deaths in the family, I was loosing my hair, my job would no longer provide me with full time hours and benefits, the work was overwhelming and no matter what I did it was never enough.  Through it all I still did morning devotionals as best as I could and I prayed as best as I could. How many of you have been there or are going through it at this moment?
In reading some of my excerpts from my journal I attempted to keep during that time, I recognized that knowing what to say, when to say it and how to say it was in no way effective when dealing with people who were not open to seeing things differently.  I felt defeated at times when all I wanted to do was to be able to express myself freely. It felt like I was being abused again, but this time it wasn't my spouse.  Being chastised and not opened to other ideas was just pulling me down.  Knowing that economically I need employment to meet my financial obligations.  I felt so isolated.  I became so tired in overthinking and trying to anticipate what would be the next impossible task piled upon me.  Was this an attack to bring be down and make me feel incapable of performing everyday life functions.  I was losing weight, having no appetite and then it happened.  I had a breakdown.  I never in all of my life thought I would succumb to this point of near death.  I no longer had a will or desire, I cried all the time, I felt worthless, no where to turn.  One of the devotions I read during this time read as such, "Expect to encounter adversity in your life remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world".  I did not need to hear this now!  Not at this time!  I need someone, I need YOU GOD, where are YOU!
It seemed that every day, God was speaking to me through devotions and His Holy Word, but I couldn't get out of bed.   I eventually went to a therapist and I also went to my doctor.  I was put on medical leave for 6 weeks.  I laid in bed for one week, just drinking tea and eating crackers.  Even the crackers were making me sick.  It felt good to talk things out with the therapist, but even better to read God's word and listen to Joyce Meyer and my Pastors from Freedom House Church live streaming on Sundays.  My Freedom House Life Group sisters prayed for me and checked on me regularly, My cousin Laurie and her husband were there for me whenever I needed anything.  My daughter took off and came to tend to me and take me to the beach before I had to return to work and called me several times during the days to come.​ I was getting stronger and the book that my Life Group was reading was called "Freedom from the Past".  This was all part of my healing process of allowing God to fight my battles in the spiritual realm and placing angels here on earth to help me navigate life as God predestined for me.  
I could write a book of everything that has transpired since last year until this point in my life.  I have a new job that uses the talents God has given me to serve others.  I am unconditionally loved by God,  I am more than a conqueror and as long as I stand still and let God, I will survive.  I thank God for another day of His grace and mercy.  There are times when I am distracted, feeling a little anxious and that's when the battle cries I shout out again are "BUT GOD, YES GOD and THANK YOU JESUS.  The one thing satan hates is when I call on Jesus.  Psalm 56:3-4 says "even when I am afraid, I keep trusting You.  I praise your promises! I trust You and am not afraid.  No one can harm me".  
 
Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
​"For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty Savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With his love, He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to want to have a complete makeover.  I mean physically, mentally and spiritually.  Especially after you have left a domestic violence relationship.  For so many years I was so insecure about my looks, my intelligence and even my relationship with God.  One of the tactics that an abuser uses is to make you feel worthless by attacking you little by little until BAM - you no longer recognize the person you once were.

 I use to pride myself as being so strong and so independent.  A woman who can do all - yes I was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and could leap tall buildings in a single bound.  I was SUPERWOMAN and than the song came out by Karyn White, "I'm not your superwoman".  It gave a whole new definition to what a superwoman was.  In a way I feel that the song defined what a superwoman was by stating that she was not.  Yes, we are not super beings;  however, we are not doormats either.  I was living a lie and believing that I needed to do more in order to make the relationship work.  I thought that was part of being a superwoman.  I would do everything in my power to make him happy, but how many people know a donkey is a donkey (using a term that is more accepting than what I really want to say) no matter how you dress it.  Karyn White in her song says: "I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care - I'm not your superwoman.  But she was a woman with worth and recognized she was not going to be used or put up with the indifference any longer.  To me that is a Superwoman.

Yes, after I realized that I was not a superwoman who was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and could leap tall buildings in a single bound; but a child of God who was a survivor.  It was time for a makeover.  Physically, I was able to leave the relationship; mentally, I realized that I was a person of value and was put here on earth for a purpose; spiritually, I recognized that God never left nor forsake me.  I recognized that I did make some bad choices, but God used those choices to show His glory in my triumphant victory of loosing the binds that kept me in an abusive relationship.  I AM YOUR SUPERWOMAN that was made over!

Today I recognize the complete makeover that occurred in my life.  One of my favorite scriptures is :Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning".  Yes I am full of joy and I want you to know that you also can have joy.  Is it time for you to have a complete makeover, to become that Superwoman!

When I was a little girl, my mother use to read to us before we went to bed.  I especially loved the fairy tales.  My favorite was Rapunzel.  It was about a girl with long hair who was locked up in a tower by an evil witch and visited by a prince who climbs the tower using her hair. 

Little did I know that this same story in a weird way is my story.  The girl was isolated from family and friends in a locked tower that was not accessible to anyone but the witch, or so she thought.  That in itself is one of the tactics that an abuser uses to take control over their victim.  The assumed control.  I moved to Maryland from New York not knowing anyone.  Although my family was just 4 hours away, how many of you know that 4 hours may as well be a whole new continent.  I felt as if I was Rapunzel, locked in an unbearable life waiting to be rescued.  

The pictures above represent my bondage and my freedom.  Sometimes we get things twisted.  Once I left my abusive relationship/marriage, I started to grow dreadlocks.  I was determined to grow them for 15 years that would represent the 15 years of abuse I endured.  Then a giant lightbulb went off in my head, actually it was God, Why are you still acting like you are in captivity?  I have set you free from the abuse and you do not need to keep on letting it take control over you.  So December 31, 2012,  after 11 years of growing my locks, my friend cut all of my locks off while I sipped on a glass of wine.  I felt WONDERFUL.  My head was lighter my hair color was lighter (LOL) and I felt like a princess.  

Yes Rapunzel's hair was cut off in the end due to the evil witch's discovery of the prince's visits.  Rapunzel was set loose in the desert and the prince was blinded by trickery of the witch.  But in the end, the hair was not a factor in her happiness.  It was finding the peace and love for herself.  Both Rapunzel and the prince found each other and as in all fairy tales, they lived happily ever after.

I tell you this little snippet of my life so you can regain control over your life. Don't let someone else wreak havoc over your life because of their insecurities.  You are more than a conqueror.  

I Corinthians 13:6 states "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth."  

Yes - I believe in angels in heaven and they are here on earth.  It is all a matter of definition and how it works in your life.

The biblical definition describes the whole range of spirits whom God has created including both good and evil angels and special categories such as cherubim, seraphim and the archangel.

I am talking about the greek word aggelos, which means "messenger".  I believe my messengers here on earth (angels) are my support system.  They are a group of special family and friends who each bring me what I need at the right moment.  They come and support me at various domestic violence events I attend or speak at, they support me financially when times are tough, they are there when I need a helping hand, they know my story and they never question why - they just want to know what can they do.  I have three very special girlfriends that I can count on any day and any time.  What makes them even more special is that they live in different states!  I have known them for over 20 - 40 years!  My family that God has blessed me with - is the best that I could ever pray for.  I love how my mother instilled the value of family in each of my siblings and how it has been passed down to my daughter and 2 nieces.  I love the extended family of relatives, especially the cousins who live here in NC and check on me regularly to ensure that I am ok.  I love them for being in my life.   YES - there are angels here on earth and God sent special angels to surround me each and every day.   Take time to notice and appreciate the angels God has placed in your life.  Have a blessed Sunday!

Ok - so I'm feeling like reflecting on the past.  I loved the seventies and I love the music.  To tell you the truth I was pretty naive during those days.  There was war and there was peace; there was hate and there was love; there were hippies and there were the Black Panthers.  

It's funny how things repeat over and over.  Even though this picture is me dressed up for a Seventies Party, the style is right in step with today's fashion.  In the seventies the afro and dashiki was all about identity.  Today it's all about fashion.  The music (well I'll leave that alone) but to tell you the truth, I understood the music of the seventies much more than todays.  That's just me.

With all that being said, one thing that is constant and never changes is God! Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews13:8

What that tells me is that God had my back from the very beginning.  Even though I have made bad choices and will still more than likely make bad choices, God was and is always there for me, gently prodding me along the path designed just for me.  

So I say this to those of you who may be in an abusive relationship or you may know someone who is; please seek safety and contact your local DV/SA or call the national DV hotline at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Love, Peace and Joy to You,
Deb